oil on canvas
24 x 19 inches 

Another painting from a Chinese production line;  the laid back 1960’s couple needs something to look at...or look out for.

While the drive out to The Forbidden Zone has become more feasible over the last 20 years, one is always advised to keep an eye out for apes. Horse mounted gorilla patrols are irregular, but their treatment of human prisoners is known to be harsh. Still, most people who have made the trip agree that the unique sights are worth the risk.

Anybody who is familiar with the cinema will quickly get the "Planet of the Apes" reference (the original 1968 classic...please!).

acrylic on paper
8 1/2 x 11 1/2 inches
framed

This is the front of the Oct., 1952 issue of "Titter", one of the many 'girlie' magazines of the 1940's - 50's.  It featured photos of scantily clad women, but no nudity (that barrier would fall in 1953 with the introduction of "Playboy").  The cover shown was done by the famous pin up artist Peter Driben; with apologies to Mr. Driben (deceased), I couldn't resist making some changes.

While Titter describes itself as "America's Merriest Magazine", this buxom broad with the boot clad gams doesn't seem to be having a good time.  I suppose there are certain risks when one goes fishing in a bikini, with a fly rod, a carp hook, and no bait.  Get advice from a pro next time, cupcake!

oil on canvas
24 x 36 inches

They sold seashells by the seashore
Sand and surf, who could ask for more
At the end of the day their work is done
Time to rest and watch the sun
Pondering some tasty seafood to eat
But they wound up as the tasty crab's meat. 

One wouldn't normally find the subject of kids being devoured by land crabs as funny, but I think that dark humor has its place. Besides, this picture can't possibly be taken seriously; has anyone ever seen a crab the size of a dump truck?

giclee print on fine art paper
12 x 16 inches
signed & numbered edition of 50

oil on canvas
20 x 16 inches 

acrylic on LP
12 x 12 1/4 inches
framed 

Here is the cover of Cher's 1973 album HALF-BREED, containing her mega hit song of the same title.   Since Cher's mother was part Cherokee, she gets a pass on both the song, and the bareback pose on the horse.  Besides, she looks pretty hot: apparently her faithful Indian pony agrees.

acrylic on paper greeting card
4 x 6 1/4 inches

Here is a birthday card straight from the store shelf - a kid eating a chocolate bar; it's ok, but some kids prefer something with more flavor.

It wasn't really mentioned in the books or movies, but Hannibal Lecter had, and abandoned a love child. Since the doctor took no part in raising the girl, I think this photo supports the theory for a genetic component to his cannibalistic behavior. Little Hannah is already proving herself quite adept at multitasking; as here she rids the neighborhood of "that mean Billy Lawson" who lives down on the corner, while simultaneously harvesting yet another piece of "fabric" for that special coat she's making... a coat that when finally worn will bring her the rebirth that she knows she needs.

Happy birthday indeed, Hannah!

acrylic on paper
12 3/4 x 21 1/4 inches
framed 

When you own a Caddy, you own the road: Ted Bauer proves the point during this December drive down Main Street. Those 16 cylinders wait for no man (or kid on a sled). In the back seat, Ted Bauer Jr. gasps at the realization that his 3rd grade classmate Billy Stamper won't be returning to school after the Christmas break. When the family pulls into their driveway, Ted Senior will check the fender for scratches. The title of this painting is a former Cadillac advertising slogan.

acrylic on cardboard Hostess Cupcakes box
10 3/4 x 6 inches

Dessert, or minstrel show?

I'm not really sure what the designers of this cupcake package were thinking, but I think they should have finished what they started. Thus I've once again taken on the chore of tidying up someone else's unfinished work. Now that the effect is complete, I await compensation and accolades from Hostess.

I might add that I've thus far shown amazing restraint; and the box of tender, golden, cream-filled snack cakes remains unopened. The lucky, eventual owner of this masterpiece can decide whether to leave it that way, or dig in (mind the expiration date).

oil on canvas
20 x 16 inches 

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service wants to remind residents and visitors to the southwestern United States that sightings of the Giant Desert Tarantula (Aphonopelma Rex) are increasing with the onset of the mating season. Their large size makes them easy to spot from a distance, but also makes them nearly impossible to outrun. If confronted by one of the voracious arachnids, remain motionless; or better yet, remain inside your vehicle.

oil on canvas
10 x 8 inches 

In this sequel to my painting "Pueblo Blanco", the mating season has already peaked, and encounters with the Giant Desert Tarantula are becoming less frequent. The huge arachnids (roughly the size of a small house); having bred and satiated themselves on sheep, cattle and several humans; are retreating into the desert wilderness. The few people who venture into these regions now only have to be concerned after dark, when the monstrous spiders emerge from their caves in search of prey.

oil on canvas
8 x 10 inches

Cruising the big muddy river, steam wheels turning
Song, dance, whiskey and wine
At the poker table, losing and making earnings 

The riverboat captain, he fancied Miss Moore
In her red cotton dress, she looked like a dream
And this floating party mighta returned to shore
If Cap'n Woodman had kept both his eyes on the stream.

I picked up this gaudy little waterfall painting at a flea market. The title was taken from a large riverboat event that takes place every few years in Cincinnati. I think I 'saved' the painting, though I suspect that everyone on board was lost.

oil on metal sign
12 1/2 x 16 inches

This modern replica of a vintage ad depicts the 1956 Ford Thunderbird.  The original T-bird really was an automobile of style and class, especially when you had the only one around.  The Berkley family loved being the talk of the neighborhood with their exclusive, all black T-bird convertable.  But now Jack and Susie Braun, who live only two blocks away, have brought home this baby blue beauty. And since the Brauns don't have any kids, they'll actually have time to drive around and enjoy theirs. Eat this, Berkley's!

giclee print on fine art paper
20 x 16 inches
signed & numbered edition of 50

oli on canvas
36 x 24 inches 

This melodramatic piece of odoriferous cheese was mass marketed as “Sun Dream”. I’m not sure why this woman is lying in the surf in her evening dress: is she just lost in her thoughts, or already succumbing to what appears to be a nuclear weapon test behind her ? Well, if she is dreaming, what subconscious image might produce such writhing ? Oh…there it is.